Posted: October 8, 2010 in Uncategorized

I hadn’t thought about him in a rather long time. Probably something like 6 entire Summers – not an image of his stocky, hirsute legs, generally clad in beige socks and black shoes. It had been a relief to never think about him. Something in the story of Mr. Satch though made the entire picture of Michael slap into my head like lightning. Like in the day I walked into the office and he was sitting on a small stool which made him a couple of inches shorter than the blonde secretary. He had both her feet on his lap, in his hands, and he massaged them, much like one knead a chunky clump of dough. She immediately told me in a melted voice that it felt great and he gave me a self-satisfied chuckle. He never budged, neither did she. Joe and I stood there slightly uncomfortable – like when you accidentally walk into someone taking a crap in a public rest room.  Nothing really wrong, but for sure, nothing you want to be looking at.  Michael would appear quietly and plant himself very close to you. Close enough for you to feel the heat from his skin next to yours, close enough for you to smell his course soap and new fresh sweat from sometimes mowing the lawn.  Well, I actively did not like Michael, he irked me by looking for too long at me, my laughing at his own asinine jokes that always poked fun at midget and other short people. Michael had the thickest eye lashes. They were not long, just thick and grey.They made his eyes look sort of wet all the time and the smiles closed them up, leaving you looking at these two bushy grey spots on his already hairy face.  One day he slithered next to me when I was standing at Joe s kitchen and pressed his thigh into mine. We were about the same height which allowed him to couple his thigh exactly with mine. I jumped and between my teeth I told him to never dare that shit again, or I would report him to the police for sexual assault. It was the first time I saw his face turn serious. Just long enough for me to see what was not quite fear, but a short-lived moment of feeling threatened. On his fucking part!! Mind you.  After that it was a long time until he slip himself anywhere near me.  I remembering talking to Joe about maybe Michael had a reason to be afraid of cops, but we didnt t really think it important. It was then that someone started complaining that money had been disappearing from the Offertory basket..  That was not good for Joe because he had a history of money mismanagement so he took it seriously seriously.  He slipped some marked twenty dollar bills into the o.b. and to everyone involved utter surprise, bam, the first Monday morning counting table finds out that the bills were missing.   This went on for another 3 Sundays: every time, some of the control bills went missing. So Joe goes and buys one of those clocks that has a secret little camera eye in it, that gets activated when people move in front of the clock.  He placed the clock smack in front of the safe and the entire inner circle waited, bated breath, for the next Sunday to roll in. Would you know that after mass a bunch of us were talking in a loose circle formation, saying all of those these and those that people say when they feel holy and shit .  Most of us, very catholic, sporting our dead Christs in our pricey gold chains, dangling from our necks, like our barbarian ancestors displayed the teeth of beasts they had slain for dinner or sport. Michael joined the circle and he was standing across from me.   I saw him walking towards me but I could not fathom that he would date come anywhere near me, until his finger is actually pressing my christ corpus into my chest and he says to all: look how beautiful her christ is, it looks a lot like Joe s. Shit, he was correct on two counts: my corpus was interesting and it had been made by the same artisan that had made Joe s in Mexico.   I shoved his paw away from me and left the circle.  On Monday night, when I went to Joe s house for dinner he told me that the sheriff had come to get Michael. They had him on tape, taking money from the Offertory basket. They had found out that he had been busted doing the same thing at another church in a town nearby. Different denomination! That same week, his wife and daughter brought him over to the church to pick up some of his stuff and when they got out of the car, I saw that they were both Filipino dwarfs.


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