Marina Fedossejeva was not my first love

Posted: August 16, 2010 in Uncategorized
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The traditional image of Harlequin as portraye...

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i don’t remember why she always brought me and Lhaish together to the ballet classes. Lhaish was enrolled and I had to sit in the dressing room and wait for the entire 2 hours, till they were all finished and dressed again. so I waited. the only part that interested me was the music : there was a person at a piano. not the greatest, not the  worse. sometimes she would play a tape recorder. the volume turned to maximum level made the nutcracker sound a bit like bird shit but hey. there was music, right. so I watched and dreamed a little. sometimes I thought I could do better and one day I didn’t notice and she is next to me with the cigarette dangling from her lips with the right eye scrunched up to avoid  the smoke and I felt aroused. my face was red and I wanted to cry or to have an orgasm whichever came first. this was before I knew much beyond the shame of her plots and plans, so I simply sat there and said yes I would like to dance with them. so she talks to the teacher and I’m in. I get the black slippers and I get the pink ones and very quickly I am at the head of the class. it is a struggle because i am totally in love with Marina Fedossejeva. She moves, she smokes she peers at me. she feels the bodies of the male dancers and I pine away with all to the powers without magic of my 9 years of age. what do I know, right? what i do know is that I will dance for her with complete perfection, I will know every step and I will faithfully come, sun or shine, so that I can smell the rosin and how it grabs the tip of your tongue when you lick it and you wanted to lick her  hands just to check the wrinkles and the cigarette smoke I swore I would start smoking at 18. on the day. I got to wait 9 years though. her daughter was not graceful and she was older and looked unhappy she danced too but she had this really big bottom. it was not a good person to look at and she was indifferent to my love for her mother. so she asks her to return the favor and make the outfits for the recital. oh god I want to die because I am 9 and I already know that she can’t do it. or if she does it, she will fuck it up so badly that I will have to really die. so I try mine on , 2, 543 times and it never fits, it doesn’t hold up. it is pale green. I am a fish . I am the leading fish while Lhaish is the other leading fish but our fins keep sliding down our graceful arms and the list goes up from there. it is chaos and someone steps in and fixes it all and she is banished from the studio. we have to run in by ourselves and change in front of the nice smelling girls trying to hide the dirty socks and shirts before anyone sees them. Marina Fedossejeva stopped paying attention to me almost completely and Lhaish became angry and disrespectful to her . One day she told us that we had been asked not to return.


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